Monday, October 31, 2011

The Battle.

I am so imperfect.
I am flawed beyond measure.
But Christ sees me as beautiful and wonderful and... HIS.
My heart overflows when I think of my Lord and His great love for me.
These past few months I have learned a lot.
Let me share with you guys:

This is something very close to my heart and very raw in my life. But I feel I must share because I know I am not the only one going through it. As a girl, there is a lot of pressure on looks and as a human being, there is a lot of pressure on who you are. Satan knows these things. Therefore, Satan uses these things to hurt my Christian walk. 

These past few months have been a total battle in my heart. Satan is constantly telling me I am not good enough. Satan tells me I am not pretty enough and not popular enough. He tells me no one likes me and that I will never be worth anything. He tells me I am dumb and stupid. He tells me I am useless. 

While Satan is telling me these things Jesus is whispering over me that I am loved but I won't listen. My heart immediately goes to the lying voice and then I pick myself apart. This is where my heart is deceitful. This is the point where I finally understand why girls have eating disorders and are always acting like something they are not. It's not totally their fault. It's Satan's tricks they are buying into. I honestly never understood all of that until now. 

Now I am not saying I had an eating disorder or hurt myself physically. Besides thinking I wasn't good enough and being insecure I totally ignored Christ. That was my biggest downfall. That should not have happened. The WHOLE time He was telling my I was good enough and beautiful but I completely ignored Him. I trusted the Devil over my Savior and let the Devil win... 

But just like the God I know He brought me back to Him. I stopped listening to Satan telling me I was useless. I started listening to Christ again. And that was the best thing to happen.

I share this story to tell you guys that everything you say has an effect on someone. Because Satan used my friends saying I wasnt smart enough to put me down... And It hurt. So just think before you speak, You never know whats going on in their heart. 


Saturday, October 15, 2011

Trusting God...

Once again I am sitting here thinking of Africa... My heart leaps to think I will be there in June of next year. I am prepping for this trip in so many ways... It is becoming real that my dream of being there is in the process of coming true. I am praying the I will follow God through this all and focus on Him alone. I need to keep my mind on Him and not how much money I have to raise. That is my daily struggle. Honestly. The amount I must raise is quite an overwhelming amount. But He whispers over me "YOU don't have to raise it, let me do the work." And suddenly I am so thankful. In my eyes I already have the money in my hands and the trip is paid for. And although it isn't, I am so grateful that I have that trust in Christ. After my mom's death I thought I had this whole 'trusting God' thing down. Oh, I had no clue what it really felt like to fully have to trust God.

I feel like Peter. Walking out on that water. And I start to question God. I start to drown in my emotions. And He holds out His hand. His HOLY and RIGHTEOUS hand. He holds it out for me to grab and He pulls me up. And He teaches me what it is like to trust Him. And It is so exciting.

I cannot explain how amazed I am that God chose little ole me to take this trip... But I am oh so thankful.

Much Love- Tessa

Monday, October 10, 2011

Bigger than me.

Today I went to a nursing home. I played dominoes for hours and just talked to these people.A nursing home is most likely the loneliest place I have ever been to.These people are hurting and a lot of the time not just physically.Some of them don't have any family anymore and some have family but are completely abandoned.So as I talked to these people that have been through so much.I saw the hurt and loneliness in their eyes. 
& once again my savior reminded me that this life is not just about me.

Saturday, October 8, 2011


This summer, I have the opportunity to go to Africa. My heart has longed to be in Africa for quite some time now. Yet this trip took me by total surprise. Africa was such a big dream of mine that I put it to a high accomplishment that I thought would take me a while to reach. But no. This summer, I am going to Africa. I am raising the money totally by faith. I must raise all of the money. But I am not worrying about that. God has total control over that. Actually He has total control over all of this. 

My heart hurts so much for the people in Africa. I have this intense passion to be with them. They are hurting and they are hungry and they are poor and dirty. They are everything that is an outcast in my country. Yet, I would much rather be spending time with them then most of the clean and well off people in my country. But you know, I have never been to Africa. I have not met many people from Africa. But yet, my heart is so intensely there. I find it so intriguing that you can have a connection with people that you have never met. You can have a love for someone that you have never even laid eyes upon. That's where I am at.

So, God isn't sending me over to some country just to say that I've have been there. God hasn't created this heart within me just to dream of a day when I will meet them. But I am going to Africa to love the people that my heart longs to be with. I am simply just going to love. I am so excited to take this crazy journey that Christ is sending me on. Lord willing, I will be in Africa this summer. And this makes my heart leap with joy.

Love- Tessa