Saturday, August 28, 2010
Thinking about my mom tonight I decided to write a blog about this. I dont talk much about my mom or the experience I had through her death. She died one shocking morning in January of 2008. I was 11. Although I was saddened by the fact of my mom passing away somehow I felt comfort. The truth is at the time I had no clue what was giving me peace in the time of such tragedy. Honestly, I had no relationship with Christ from the age 8 to 11. I wasnt growing although I was saved at age 5. So the peace I had during the time of mom passing away it was not automatically put in my mind as God's comfort. After mom died my family moved back to Ruston and started going to Cook again. God ROCKED MY WORLD! I realized I had to own up to what God was doing with my life. I realized that the joy and comfort I felt in the time of mourning was God rocking me as if I was a little baby. I realized that I have this amazing gift of salvation and it's important that I am growing in Christ to make and impact in people's lives the way my mom did in mine. And lastly, somehow God showed me that I will be on the mission field for Him one day.
So my mom's death was not a huge horrible, overwhelming, complicated part of my life. It turned out to be an amazing, overwhelming WAKE-UP CALL. And everyday I thank Jesus for that.
In Job, Job fell to his knees in worship to God when he found out the worst news of his life. Which shows God can give us peace in the midst of tragedy but if you look closely in the rest of Job he wasn't always understanding that God knew what He was doing. Job questioned God and MOURNED. Which brings me to the other part of my story.
Though God showed me amazing things through mom passing away I still miss her. A lot. Sometimes I wonder why He took her at such an important time in my life, teenage years. Sometimes I just had to sit there and cry (John 11:35). But I never got angry with God. Somehow HE gave me the understanding that HE was doing what HE needed to do. So yea. Its not all fine and dandy. I miss my mommy. And tonight I just want her with me. Here.
So that was a lot on my heart tonight.
With love, Tessa (: